There Are No Coincidences. Open Your Eyes and See the Signs.

I woke at 4:45 this morn. After a 35% quality sleep, I was exhausted yet excited. Today I was going to pick up my new dog, “Bernadette”. I thought what the hell, it’s early, maybe I’ll get two dogs! I showered and gathered all the dog necessities. Collar, leash, carrier and wee wee pad. I was feeling good. Left the house by 6, got cash and on the road in no time.

It was a beautiful morning. The event was in Patterson, NY. Almost two hours away. It started at 9:30 but the sign up sheet was going up at 8. I figured leave early, just in case. The drive was easy. Listened to some amazing tunes, a house mix my brother had given me long ago and just appreciated the moment. Beautiful scenery. The river, mountains…gorgeous. Loving the moment!

With clear roads and maybe a tad bit too fast driving in some parts, I arrived around 7:15. Great! Way earlier than the list would be up. I felt sure Bernadette was mine! I drive up to Tractor Supply (yes, you read it right, Tractor Supply) and to my surprise there are at least 7 cars in the parking lot and the list is already posted! WTF?!

I get out of the car, jog up to the front of the store to find I am number TEN!!! It’s 7:14. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Instantly my zen, at peace with the world attitude evaporated. The likelihood of me getting the dog I wanted was pretty much a no go! I was pissed, disappointed, angry. Ready to throw a tantrum and play the poor me card. I drove all this way! How could this happen?!

The thing is, I had a feeling something like this could happen and I said to myself what the hell, I drove all this way, if it’s meant to be it will be. Stay positive and see what happens. So I pull out my iPad and start to read the book i knew i was going to need. More cars pull up and I hear grumbles similar to what’s in my head. What the fuck. It’s not even 8 and there are so many people on the list! Blah, blah, blah.

Finally Tractor Supply opens and the hordes rush in. Hello peeps! There’s a list. Rush all you want but you ain’t getting in any quicker than the number you arrived at. So I’m browsing through the store and finally decide to sit in the outdoor furniture section to read and chill. I flip through the shelter’s website to see how many puppies are available and it becomes pretty clear that I’m not getting my puppy. But I still maintain the what’s meant to be will be attitude and start chatting with the people around me. They are as frustrated as I and we talk about the dogs we were hoping for and support each other in the realization that we probably won’t get them.

So things start happening. The line is forming and the stress level of all the people is rising. Lots of grumbles about the damn list. Number one got there at 5am. We were screwed. I’m standing on line and making friends with another family. This time a young girl and her little brother. Hilariously inappropriate. Here I am trying to watch my language in front of what was probably a 11-12 year old boy and he’s swearing up a storm. Fuck, motherfucker. Telling me he knows the password to his sister’s phone. Cracking me up.

Again, we’re commiserating and swapping photos of the dogs we wanted, trying to stay positive that we have a shot in hell in getting them. I said to them the right dog will find you. If its not today, it will be another. So we’re yapping still when I see this woman walk by. I am immediately struck with recognition. Karen, Karen, KAREN?! KAREN!!!

Karen. Karen, my best friend from almost 20 years ago. We met in Albany where we worked at a huge sports bar, The Scoreboard, owned by OTB. So much history. Karen. Karen, someone I could talk to about anything and she really understood me. I think she’s the only girlfriend I’ve ever had who understood and appreciated the depth which is Dana and didn’t want to change me. She understood complexity and I loved that about her.

We both decided to move from Albany to the metro NY area around the same time. My mother was dying of cancer and I knew if there was any chance of resolving our relationship I had to be close to her. I was engaged and Karen was moving in with her boyfriend. It was perfect! I don’t think I truly understood how difficult moving was going to be.

The devastating effects and my mother’s eventual death from cancer. The dissolution of my relationship and engagement. The struggle to come to terms and forgiveness with my dying mother. Living in NYC and dealing with that energy, it put so much stress and strain on me. I was so angry, lost, broken. My relationship with Karen started to suffer. We’d go out and get drunk and fight. One night, I think it was Halloween, we were at a party in the city. I couldn’t even tell you today what the fight was about but it was BAD.

I remember screaming at each other and I left the party without her. She was supposed to stay with me that night instead of going back to her apt in the Bronx. I remember calling my cousin hysterically and in a rage. I was never speaking to her again. And I didn’t. We never spoke again. Add another loss to the pile. It’s weird. I never regretted for a long time breaking off the relationship. I felt betrayed. Today I feel regret. I feel regret for allowing her to roam the streets of NY alone and never checking to make sure she was safe. All these years, I’ve had such guilt about never making sure she was OK.

I’ve thought about Karen often over the years. I’ve looked for her online, on Facebook with no luck. Just last week I was thinking about her and about our friendship and how special it was. How Karen has really been the only girl who I truly could talk to and who could understand my crazy.

So here I am in Patterson, NY trying to adopt a puppy. I got up at the crack ass of before dawn, drove over an hour to “maybe” adopt a dog, am starting to realize this probably ain’t gonna happen and who walks by? Karen! Karen, my best friend who I’ve been searching for. Karen who just walked by in Tractor Supply in Patterson, NY. Which brings me to my headline…there are NO coincidences!

What are the odds that I would drive over an hour to adopt a dog I didn’t even know I would get or not? What are the odds my friend Karen, who I literally was thinking about starting to search for, would be in the same exact place and that we would cross paths?!

If you open your eyes, don’t get caught in the negativity and open your eyes you won’t believe what will cross your path! There are no coincidences and if you believe in yourself and want good things to happen, they will. I’m a believer and it feels wonderful. Free and light as a feather.